Twenty-eight years ago, I was gifted the most beautiful man. We fell in love. I think that actually we’d always been in love. And then we started our life together. But wait, let me first just tell you who I am. My name is Dimple Thakrar, Author, TV expert on BBC, NBC, and ACB, featured in ‘The Times’, ‘The Guardian’ and ‘Good House Keeping’. I have studied NLP and Dietetics and I am also a ‘Relationship Coach’ and Global Speaker.
Twenty years later, after two children and the ups and downs of being married to a serial entrepreneur along with having had the most amazing life experiences, our marriage was crumbling even though – on the outside – it was perfect. We fought, we neglected each other, and we resented each other. Most of all, we disrespected each other, and we decided that our marriage could no longer withstand the pain that we were causing each other.
“So, we planned our divorce. We planned to be divorced on our 25thwedding anniversary which would be when our youngest daughter would be 18 years old.”
So, we planned our divorce. We planned to be divorced on our 25thwedding anniversary which would be when our youngest daughter would be 18 years old. We had realised that even though we loved each other dearly, the years of resentment, neglect and disrespect had really taken their toll. We couldn’t get out of the habit of fighting or ignoring each other.
And then one day, from the divine universe, I was presented with Tony Robbins. It was at a ‘Platinum Partners’ relationship event in Maui, where my husband and I were once again arguing, neglecting and ignoring each other. He was elsewhere in the audience while I was sitting on the front row of the event. I stood up to reply to a comment from one of the speakers. Tony disagreed with me and was furious. His passion to serve and do the right thing by everybody meant he had to correct me.
It was time. It was time to hear the truth. It was time to face reality. And as he pounded down from the back of the room, like the giant from ‘Jack and the Beanstalk’. Fe-fi-fo-fum. The sound was incredible. He came to the front of the room, his head seemed like a huge stallion’s head, towering over me.
In that moment he began to tell me the truth. The reality of the past 20 years. The stories that I had been telling myself to maintain this position of being the victim. The victim that served me so well. It maintained my pain and it prevented me from receiving the love that I so desperately needed. The truth can be the hardest thing to face. Something I now go into great depths about in my ‘Transform your Relationship’ days.
It also prevented me from giving the love that was so full in my heart. And as Tony proceeded to tear me down, my beautiful King suddenly rose to protect me. He came to the front and he stood firmly, confronting Tony about speaking to his woman in that way. Nobody – and I mean nobody – speaks to his wife like that.
This was the first time that my husband had been to a Tony Robbins event. It was the first time that he was meeting this gentle giant. I didn’t even notice him coming to protect me. Wow! Then Tony stopped and said; “Is this the man you are talking about? Is this the man you are talking about not forgiving?” Tony then put his arm around my husband and held him close and said, “I f**king love this man! He has shown me that he has faced his fear and he rose in courage and strength and has now come to protect you. Despite his feelings today. He rose to protect you. He showed strength and unconditional love to protect you.”
“This beautiful man had protected me all my life. And I had taken him for granted.”
Boom! It was in that moment I saw the truth. The truth is that I had been allowing a bullshit story to keep me as the victim. And while doing that I hadn’t seen the pure beauty of love. I hadn’t felt the pure beauty of love that had been pouring into my heart and I had chosen to stop the flow. This beautiful man had protected me all my life. And I had taken him for granted. No, worse still – I hadn’t even noticed. He had shown me unconditional love, the actual thing that I hadn’t given back. I had stopped the flow of love. The universal abundance of love is a flow. It is a flow of energy, of giving and receiving. Giving and receiving.
Here’s the question…What story is driving your relationship or lack of relationship? One of the great questions I ask at my transformational day event.
It was at that moment I realised that the only person who was causing my pain was me. The only person that was stopping the love, the intention and the warmth that I was so desperate for, was me.
And then the intervention continued. It continued for another two hours. Two hours of truths. Two hours of educating myself on the reality of masculine and feminine energies – a dance that can be so amazing and so tragic. The tragedy is when we try to become our ‘unauthentic selves’. I rose in my masculine for 20 years, thinking that that was the right thing to do. Thinking that I was protecting myself from the men around me; the people that love me. And actually, the only person that I needed to protect myself from was myself. I had built a wall of protection, unconsciously rising in my masculine, and actually that same wall was stopping me from my true authentic feminine flow.
And in doing so, my man, in order to protect the polarity of our marriage, rose in his feminine – his inauthentic feminine. He had become a pleaser. You see, in order for passion to still survive there needs to be a polarity of energy. Masculine on masculine is like living with a brother. Feminine on feminine is like living with a sister. But when you have masculine and feminine – wow – the charge is immense. But when its unauthentic masculine and feminine, the charge is still there but the passion doesn’t feel real. It feels pretend. It’s simply unauthentic.
“The fear of ‘What if I am not enough? The fear of ‘What if he really doesn’t love me? The fear of ‘What if I really don’t love myself?”
And so, for years, we had both lived this lie. Though the passion and the charge were still there, both of us were living in pain. Both of us were living in dishonesty. Not dishonesty from an affair, but dishonesty from our own truths – our own authentic selves. And you see, when it’s yourself – it takes a great Coach to help you see your truths; to call you on your stories; to call you on the reality of ‘what is’ and to help you move through the fear. The fear of ‘What if I am not enough? The fear of ‘What if he really doesn’t love me? The fear of ‘What if I really don’t love myself?
This exploration is so vital when building your true self and your future relationships and is covered in depth in my ‘Transform your Relationship’ events.
I had been experiencing neck pain for fifteen years by this point. I had been to physios, orthopaedics, and even tried acupuncture. I think that I had tried everything. Literally, the day after this intervention, my neck pain disappeared. You see, the connection between mind, body, soul and energy is so great. I had been carrying the masculine on my neck for so long that it was manifesting as physical pain.
“The key to any beautiful relationship is being true to yourself first.”
So, you’re probably asking what happened next? What’s the key? The key to any beautiful relationship is being true to yourself first. It’s all about being authentic. The key is giving love unconditionally, the key is allowing yourself to receive love unconditionally.
Today, my beautiful King and I, have educated ourselves immensely since that intervention and have promised to stand firm in our truths. Now we are having the most electric, magnetic, amazing relationship of our dreams. Our businesses have flourished because the foundation of our lives and our relationship is solid now. We have built our home and our lives on solid foundations. The bricks no longer crumble. The house stands tall and the bonus of all this is that our beautiful children, our two beautiful girls, have stopped modelling what was the untruths of the masculine mother. Now they model the beautiful behaviour of a feminine flow. They speak with honour and respect for their father. They treat him with the unconditional love he deserves. They see and feel a beautiful, happy, well attended, feminine woman who stands strong in her feminine.
You see ladies, the true power is in the ‘she’. When we stand strong in our authentic being, be that feminine, if that’s authentic to you or be that masculine if that feels right to you, we are invincible. We are love. We are sheer strength and determination. When our men have the support of their beautiful queens, because our sole nature is to nurture, they rise. They rise through the life cycles of being a man and their strength becomes their kingdom. They rise in their kingdom and rise as our leaders. And that is the story of how Tony Robbins transformed not only our lives. Not only my marriage – but the marriage of thousands of people that I now support and coach in my beautiful work as a Relationship Coach. Today I teach people the five steps of my HEART model: Being Honest, Educating, Articulating, Rectifying and Testing.